Ravens in Orbit
by Stephen Ratliff
Summary: There is one house rivalry at Hogwarts that goes beyond all others, it surpasses the bounds of Earth. It is an enduring conflict that raises the Wizarding world to the Heavens. It is Hufflepuff verse Ravenclaw. What? You were expecting the the other houses?
1. Tongue Twister

Ravens in Orbit

_**Author's Note:**__ The muse is a strange thing. It gave me this work, with two existent parts._ _It may give me more of it. (Feedback tends to do that) For now, though I give you something a bit different, the tale of a different house rivalry. _

_This story will be presented in rather small parts, mainly because that's the way the muse gave them to me, and I don't think either part currently should be in the same chapter. I may go back and add more to this part later, once the muse gives me a part three._

**Part the First**

Eric Cunningham was a muggle-born wizard, a sixth-year in Hufflepuff, do not dare call him a duffer. As a sixth year Hufflepuff, in the fall of 1968, one of his duties was to marshal an effort to prank the ravens. It was a sixth year tradition.

Some pranks were small, not really noticeable to the outside world. Those in Ravenclaw tower knew, and their responses were often very complex, and tended to mess up the Hufflepuff's ability to study ... and since that had been the reason the pranks had started because one Ravenclaw had ruined a hardworking Hufflepuff's study guide, it merely reenforced the tradition.

Now Eric had spent his summer across the pond in Florida, which might have explained his particular choice. It was a prank that was going to require a lot of hard work to prepare to do things right. Especially to do things safely, and all Hufflepuff pranks were safe, save certain problems with Defense Against the Dark Arts Professors.

It had only taken until mid-September for Hufflepuff to decide that the current one would be no great loss, and approve Eric's plan.

...

T-minus 30 days: Prank #1

It was a shame to temporarily remove it, but there was no way around it. The charm on the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower had to go, as the entry needed to become an airlock. Fortunately, Eric's good friend, Delunca de la Mancha, who had drawn September for her prank month, was quite willing to take on the task.

There were a couple first year Hufflepuffs passing by when the current Head Boy, Nicholas Smith, a Ravenclaw, gave the password when expected. "Number of civilizations equals rate of stellar formation times stars with planets times number of life supporting planets around that a given star times fraction supporting life times fraction creating intelligence times fraction of civilizations developing detectably times the length detectable."

There was a slight change to the wall, as a ship's wheel had been mounted to the wall, but the Head Boy was used to changes occurring on the wall. "Incorrect," the wall replied. "Again, how much wood would a wood chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

"That's not supposed to be the question!" the Head Boy replied.

"Incorrect," the wall replied. "Again, Peter pecked a peck of peppers, a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where is the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?"

"Now you're changing the question!" the Head Boy exclaimed.

"Incorrect," the wall replied. "Again, if Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?"

"Of course Stu should choose the shoes he chews!" the Hufflepuff first year said, taking pity on the Head Boy.

"Turn my wheel to enter the lock," the wall said, in reply. "Only Ravenclaw residents register."

With that, the Head Boy put his hand on the wheel, and found himself in a new compartment. There were eight alcoves about the right size for a suit of armor, a portrait, and several loops hanging from two rods that spanned the compartment. "Access to Ravenclaw tower in progress. Please repeat the password," the portrait. of Uric the Oddball said.

The Headboy replied, "Number of civilizations equals rate of stellar formation times stars with planets times number of life supporting planets around that a given star times fraction supporting life times fraction creating intelligence times fraction of civilizations developing detectably times the length detectable."

"Yes, yes, we know you know the Drake Equation," a portrait said. "But what about Stu?"

"Stu?" the Headboy said, puzzled. He was swiftly hit with a shoe that seemed to come from nowhere. "Oh! If Stu chews shoes, should Stu chew the shoes that he choose?"

"Close enough, but you really should work on that," Uric the Oddball decided, sliding to the side to reveal the common room.

...

_Next part next week ... unless another story gets a chapter done._


	2. Knights of Ravenclaw

_**Author's Note:**__ This chapter includes a rewritten to suit for the prank version of a song from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail. _I am well aware that my time line puts this appearing before it was originally written. I plan on having fun with this with a later prank. This is also probably the last part of this for a while, as the muse hasn't been giving me much of it. Then again, the muse has been giving me other works, such as _"Summer Rituals"_ so ..._

**T-Minus 25 days: Prank #2**

It took a few days, but the students in Ravenclaw got used to the new arrangement. They were able to alter the question, a bit, but if you didn't answer in at least alliteration, Uric the Oddball's portrait would chastize you.

One morning, young Sandra Church, a first year of a slight build, freckles, and red hair that had several wondering if she might be a Weasley instead, entered the antechamber, as the Ravenclaws were calling the room between the old and new doors. She noticed that the alcoves on the sides of the anti-chamber were now filled with strange suits of armor.

As soon as she reached the center of the chamber, Miss Church felt a draft on her suddenly bare bottom. It was only a brief draft though.

Sandra Church was the first Ravenclaw to arrive for breakfast. She was usually the first, having an unusual tendency to be early to bed, early to rise. She usually didn't arrive in a full suit of armor.

Of course it had been modified a bit. Instead of the steel visor, there was a clear glass one. From the popping sound that occurred when Sandra pulled off her helmet, it was clear that there was an air-tight seal. She sat down gingerly at her usual place, and was asked by Robert MacNamara, her childhood friend in Gryffindor, "What's wrong?"

"This armor isn't comfortable," Sandra said. "There is nothing between my bottom and it. And I have no idea how it got on, or how to take it off."

It was just a few minutes later that the number of Ravenclaws, all dressed in the same sets of armor, reached a threshold, and the next part of the prank kicked off.

Suddenly the five eldest Ravenclaw males stood up, and began to sing.

"We're Knights of Ravenclaw  
We dance when ere we're able,"

The rest of the Ravenclaw table rose, and joined together, arm and arm down each side of the table.

"We do routines and chorus scenes  
With footwork impeccable."

The Hufflepuff side of the table jumped up on the table and began to dance.

"We dine well here in Hogwarts-lot  
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot."

All the food ended up being kicked off, first on the Ravenclaw table, then the others as the Ravenclaws began to jump between the tables, dancing in their suits of armor.

"We're Knights of Ravenclaw,  
Our words are inspiring,  
But many times,  
we're given lines  
That are tongue twisting"

Some Ravenclaws who had just arrived and hadn't removed their helmets found themselves used as a musical instrument, as a couple ravens discovered that their swords had changed into drumsticks.

"We're Opera mad in Hogwarts-lot,  
We sing from the diaphragma looooooot."

There was a pause for just a few moments after that line, just long enough for a few young Hufflepuffs to shout "kill the wabbit!" They were quickly silenced by their upper years.

"In class we're smart and able,  
Quite indefatigable,  
Between our quests we don sequin vests,  
And impersonate Clark Gable.  
It's a busy life in Hogwarts-lot,"

Another pause occurred. Then one notorious rake in seventh year, stepped out.

"I have to push the pram a lot."

With that, the entire House of Ravenclaw took another high stepping, arms locked, dance around the Great Hall before breaking up and sitting back down at their table.

For the rest of the day, the Ravenclaws remained in armor, and every time the five eldest male Ravenclaw students were in the same room and someone said "silly place," they found themselves singing a verse.

Miss Church was quite glad that when she went back from the Great Hall after dinner, the armor disappeared after she passed through the anti chamber, and didn't return when she left again for the Library.


End file.
